Time Travel Will Exist.

Here’s the deal… I’ve been not so secretly working on a time machine for the last 7 years.  I mean, who hasn’t?!  I’ve nearly perfected what will go down in history as the McFly Algorithm and it’s only a matter of time before I’m off to watch Lincoln get shot and try to stop this whole Kardashian mess before it even gets started.  And although I’ve been close for a while, I was getting distressed.  Until I got my proof from Jordan.  It’s right here.

Apparently in a few years, I’ll grow so tired of righting History’s wrongs and boning Gretta Garbo that I’ll start going back in time to wreak havoc on my friends.  To be fair to Jordan, if it weren’t for my eventual, er… past interference, he maybe wouldn’t have his insatiable love for Berry Milk (I’m inventing it and taking it back to him) or would have no idea how good Pauly D from the Jersey Shore’s R&B album is going to be.  I’ll have to remember to not take the pictures from him so he can give them to me last week… this is exciting.  Wait till you see what I have up my sleeve for my brother!

PS: Never mind why I had the van… I assure you it’s important.

Car Rides from Hell… or How I learned to Stop Worrying and Never Get a Dog.

I’m going to miss my brother.  He’s not going to the war or dying or anything drastic like that.  He’s simply getting married… not a game changer but a change enough to take from the me only time I’ve had recently to experience the brotherly bond.  Living 2000+ miles away from my family means that, outside of the occasional telephone call, the only time I have to spend with my brother is the few hours of travel time we share while he shuttles my cheap ass around the 6 states we drive through to visit family for Christmas.  Our relationship is that of legend.  Now that he’ll have a family of his own, I’ve been given a glimpse of the future… a dose of reality that turned what should have been a normal 449 mile, 4 hour drive into a commute of horror and most likely killed our bonding time for the foreseeable future.

There’s something you should know about my brother.  He picks me up from the airport at ungodly hours, he drives me to and from Cincinnati when requested and lets me borrow his car while he’s at work, all without a mention of giving him gas money or one single complaint.  That’s how our relationship rolls.  I’d do the same for him and he’d do the same for a perfect stranger… he’s just better than most people.  So when he picked me up at the airport this past Christmas and told me he was bringing his dogs with him to my sisters house in Charlotte I didn’t say a word, although I was thinking that this was most decidedly a terrible idea.  My brother and his fiancé just got a new puppy.  A beautiful German Shepard puppy they named Lilly.  He was very excited for us to meet and is understandably very proud of his little dog.  His fiancé has a little dog called Aiden… I think it’s a Pomeranian or some variation of the stereotypical little yippy dog you hear comedians complain about.   Their idea was to take their dogs to her parent’s house for Christmas and then drive down to Charlotte to meet the rest of my family on Christmas day, subsequently picking me up in Charlotte to return me to Lexington the following Sunday.  My sister and her family have a dog as well.  A little boxer mix that’s pretty well behaved but three dogs in one house and two on a return car ride back to Lexington gave me some serious pause.  My fears would soon come to a grim reality and change my travel plans for the rest of my days.

To start off, my brother’s dog hates me.  I am usually very good with animals.  Let it not be said that Byron Smith is foe to the animal kingdom.  With the exception of the squirrels, who have had their chance to make amends mind you, I have nothing but love for all of God’s creatures big and small.  We had many many dogs while growing up.  I love them.  But Lilly was not a fan of me.  Maybe it was the beard, maybe it was the residual smell of my cat Ash on me, but for some reason Lilly was very uncomfortable around me from the get go.  Perhaps it’s true what they say about animals having a sort of sixth sense when it comes to impending doom.  I put this aside.  It was almost Christmas after all and I was hoping for a miracle of sorts.

Fast forward to Christmas day.  I’m heading from KY to Charlotte to visit my sister’s family with my mother and stepfather and it’s POURING snow.  A long drive turned into a very long drive and all the while we’re getting phone calls from my brother who is also en route with his fiancé and their furry companions.  My brother is flummoxed because at some point in the trip Lilly has become sick.  She’s throwing up all over the back seat (the back seat I’ll eventually be sitting in mind you) and forcing them to stop every 15 minutes or so for it to spray doggie liquid from it’s orifices.  Rob was not pleased.  He’s got low blood sugar, and that compounded with the sick dog and inclement weather didn’t make him a happy camper.  When they finally got to Charlotte and came inside Lilly proceeded to leak all over the floor and frustrate everyone further.  Aiden is fighting with my sisters dog, there’s barking, pooping, and fur flying everywhere.  My brother in law retreated to God knows where, my mother went to bed, and no one seemed to be in a good mood.  My brother spend most of the night getting up and taking his dog out to be sick and the following day my sister had to take poor Lilly to the vet for some much needed fluids via a doggie IV.

Somewhere along the way the little dog Aiden caught what Lilly had and would prove to be the wild card on the ride home.  We prepared to leave a day or two later.  My brother covered the back seat in towels, his fiancé attempted to keep little Aiden in the front seat with her for the start of the trip but it’s curiosity got the best of it and it joined me and Lilly in the back seat for the trip.  The first hour or so wasn’t too bad.  We were making good time and for the most part, the dogs seemed to be relatively healthy and free of projectile vomiting.  That is, until we hit I25.  The snow storm from the previous two days had left the mountain pass of interstate 25 from Charlotte to Knoxville TN a treacherous one.  The geniuses in the department of transportation must have been thinking to themselves, “Hey, who drives the day after Christmas?” and only managed to have plows scrape one of the two lanes that traverse the already steep and treacherous mountain pass.  The unplowed lane was of course ice by this point, putting my brother on edge once again.  We sat in bumper-to-bumper traffic for the better part of two hours as weary holiday travelers crept along the icy roads, all the while confronted with the definite possibility that at any given moment one of these dogs could explode in a fury of sickness.  It didn’t take too long.

I was sitting in the backseat on the passenger side, Lilly was laying down quietly in the middle and Aiden, who was supposed to be in the floor, was behind my brother.  Aiden, understandably quite curious with the family in the minivan creeping along I25 next to us, stood on the back seat with it’s little paws propped up on the window wagging it’s little tail.  I heard a slight squeak and was immediately confronted with a smell that can only be described as “sin”.  Aiden had sprayed doggie diarrhea all over Lilly while she was staring out the window.  Lilly, clearly as flummoxed by being shit on as any normal living thing would be, immediately jumped up, flipped around in a fury and attempted to make her way into the back of my brother’s Jeep to escape the onslaught of raining poop.  In the process she flung the already precarious projectile diarrhea all over my side in her attempt to flee.  So now we’re crawling with traffic, I’m covered in doggy diarrhea, I haven’t had a cigarette in 4 hours, and we’re officially out of towels and 15 miles away from the only rest area in a 100-mile stretch.  The stench was unbearable, my brother’s poor fiancé was so embarrassed for the situation she’s halfway in the back seat trying to clean everything up, and I’m leaning halfway out the window for olfactory relief.  When we finally made it to the rest stop, I was charged with walking Lilly while my brother attempted to clean up the car.  This dog, knowing full well I was in tennis shoes preceded to pull me through 6 plowed snow banks, effectively soaking my legs from the knees down.  New Balance shoes, although comfortable in every way, apparently have 0 traction in the snow and I felt as if I was water skiing behind this overly energetic German Sheppard puppy with the power of a 6 stroke engine.  When I got back to the car and we proceeded on our way the traffic eventually let up and the animals had calmed down, but the damage was already done.  Our 4 hour drive took in the neighborhood of 7 and my clothes, which I would have to wear to Cincinnati on my second leg, stunk like a doggy whale eye.  My sibling and his fiancé felt terrible but in hindsight probably laugh now about the time I was assaulted by canine fecal matter on what is sure to be the very last time I ride in any sort of motor vehicle with an animal.  For their wedding gift, I’m giving them a luxurious weekend reservation at Lexington’s premier Doggy Hotel… good only for the week before and after Christmas.  You’re welcome everyone.

Zero’s and Ones… Thom York is a GOD!

As a RABID Radiohead fan, I have always been a bit cocky when it came to my fandom.  I’ll be the first to tell you that I have loved this band since the first time I heard Creep and have bought a copy of every single album, b-side, one off, and re-mix that they have ever touched.  Hell I even bought the soundtrack to There Will Be Blood by Jonny Greenwood.  But when someone told me that Radiohead had been hiding secret codes and messages in their album covers and songs I was taken aback by how I could have possibly missed the boat on this one!

Radiohead have been notoriously putting little gems and Easter Eggs in their albums for years.   For example, If you bought a hard copy CD of Kid A and cracked open the CD tray, you’d find a little booklet with poems, and strange drawings.  Now weird in it’s own right, but it turned out that the poetry was actually lyrics from songs they would eventually release on Amnesiac and Hail to the Thief… years later!  Sure one of the aforementioned albums was basically b-sides of Kid A but you get the point… they’re always looking for ways to intrigue their fan base.  But I was no where near ready for the mindfuck they’d deliver when they released In Rainbows.  Here’s a rundown…

In Rainbows was notoriously released on a “Pay what you feel like” website on 10/10 in 2007, that’s 10 years after the release of OK Computer, probably the most famous concept album since Pink Floyd’s The Wall.   They announced the album 10 days before it was to be released.  The working title of OK Computer was Zeros and Ones. There’s ten letters in both album titles, there’s a giant X on the cover of OK, the roman numeral for 10.  Flash forward to the release of In Rainbows, if you look at that album cover you can see Radiohead has spaced their cover art to show two “10s” at the bottom.  There’s 10 tracks on both albums as well.  I don’t know who figured it out first, but it turns out these albums, although 10 years apart, can be played as a cohesive playlist and the music and lyrics compliment each other in a way that makes your mind melt.  Honestly it sounds like these two albums, 10 years apart were recorded in one massive session.

Remembering that OK Computer’s working title was Zeros and Ones (01) and In Rainbows represented by Ten (10) the binary compliments each other.  From Puddlegum’s website:  ”Consider that In Rainbows was meant to complement OK Computer, musically, lyrically, and in structure. We found that the two albums can be knit together beautifully. By combining the tracks to form one playlist, 01 and 10, we have a remarkable listening experience. The transitions between the songs are astounding, and it appears that this was done purposefully.

The lyrics also seem to complement each other. There appears to be a concept flowing through the01 and 10 playlist. Ideas in one song is picked up by the next, such as “Pull me out of the aircrash,”and “When I’m at the pearly gates, this will be my videotape.”

You just have to hear it for yourself.  To make the playlist take the first song from OK Computer, Airbag, then the first song from In Rainbows, 15 Step following this pattern until you get to Karma Police.  Make Fitter Happier the middle song then continue.  Add (of course ) a ten second cross fade on the playlist, put on some headphones and prepare to have your mind blown.

Here’s the playlist for those of you to lazy to go back and forth…

1. Airbag (OK Computer)
2. 15 Step (In Rainbows)
3. Paranoid Android (OK Computer)
4. Bodysnatchers (In Rainbows)
5. Subterranean Homesick Alien (OK Computer)
6. Nude (In Rainbows)
7. Exit Music (For A Film) (OK Computer)
8. Weird Fishes/Arpeggi (In Rainbows)
9. Let Down (OK Computer)
10. All I Need (In Rainbows)
11. Karma Police (OK Computer)
12. Fitter Happier (OK Computer)
13. Faust Arp (In Rainbows)
14. Electioneering (OK Computer)
15. Reckoner (In Rainbows)
16. Climbing Up The Walls (OK Computer)
17. House Of Cards (In Rainbows)
18. No Surprises (OK Computer)
19. Jigsaw Falling Into Place (In Rainbows)
20. Lucky (OK Computer)
21. Videotape (In Rainbows)
22. The Tourist (OK Computer)

The Years Best Music… IMO.

2010 gave us some pretty stellar stuff from old faces and new ones alike.   Here’s a rundown of what I liked and why. Truth be told, I’ve re-ordered and shifted and moved and prodded this list about a hundred and one times.  My musical tastes shift with the wind but what follows is what I believe are ten of the best albums released this year that should under no circumstance be missed.

10.  Kanye West – My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy:  This guy is an insufferable prick.  He starts the year off giving the business to Taylor Swift at the VMAs, unfortunately discovers Twitter, shows up on Ellen with fucking diamond teeth and releases one of (if not THE) best Hip Hop albums of 2010.  Here’s the deal with Kanye… he’s an asshole, but he knows it.  Much of this album is a tip of the hat to his off album shenanigans but for some reason it plays MUCH better than his disappointing last effort 808s.  I rarely listen to hip hop anymore.  Like the multitude of top 40 drivel we’re inundated with, most of it just doesn’t sound original to me anymore.  Not this.  Kanye proves that owing your douchbaggery can work wonders for a record… knowing what the fuck you’re doing sure doesn’t hurt either.  It’s that good.

9.     Black Keys – Brothers:  Seriously there hasn’t been a release from the Black Keys that hasn’t amazed me.  Their last offering was significantly better than this record purely because they had Danger Mouse produce it, something that would not have worked well at all on this one.  Everlasting Light opens up with a grungy guitar thump and on a couple of songs, lead singer Dan Auerbach steps well outside of his comfort zone, almost singing in a falsetto on a track, keeping this BK album as original as their previous efforts.  Any fan of standard blues will totally love these guys and this album.

8.   Black Angels – Phosphene Dream:  This album blew me away.  Think psychedelic rock mixed with 60s Brit Pop.   This Texas outfit, with one of the cutest lady drummers since Autolux, has three albums under their belt but for some reason I just found out about them.  They make the list as a testament to good music always being out there just under the radar.  If you are a fan of the Doors or the Bees, check this out for sure.  Listening to this album (or even just the opening track) makes you think you can kick a giant’s ass.  Dark, moody… deeply talented.

7.  Yeasayer – Odd Blood:  This group from Brooklyn gave us something different for their sophomore album.  It’s really all over the place.  Part techno-pop, part rock, this album plays like a kaleidoscope of sounds with every song taking you to a different part of your very own musical taste, whether intentional or not.  For example, in “Love Me Girl” there’s a techno root there that reminded me of watching Cool As Ice, that Vanilla Ice movie, with my brother in the 80s.  Sure the movie was crap but the memory it evoked by song was more monumental than the actual album.  At any rate, this is a solid effort.  Well worthy of it’s place on the list.  Check out O.N.E. and Rome and tell me you knew it was the same band.  Completely original.

6.     Deerhunter – Halcyon Digest:  A bit more accessible than their previous efforts, this is a Deerhunter for everyone.  Basically every track is great but the standout is the album’s closing goodbye to Jay Reatard “He Would Have Laughed” a multi tiered cacophony of sound that holds on and begs to be played on repeat.  Also check out “Desire Lines” and “Coronado” for the best sax solo in any record put out in the 2000s… I’ll stand by that.  Great driving music.

5.     The Walkmen – Lisbon:  Now don’t get me wrong, this album pissed me off at first.  As a HUGE Walkmen fan, I was disappointed at first when I listened to the opening track “Juveniles”.  During their live shows, prior to the albums release, they would sing this song with their horn section doing the melody in whistles.  It was so moody and dark and awesome enough for me to find flip camera recordings on youtube and convert the audio to wav files so i could listen to it repeatedly.  However, when the album came out there was guitar there, definitely picking up the pace of the song.  This bad taste in my mouth stuck around for about a week until I let the past go and really understood this album for what it was.  A record that starts off a bit slow but builds into something truly monumental by the title track it ends with.  Another solid effort from these guys.

4.     Gorillaz – Plastic Beach:  I was worried at first when I heard all of the guest stars that were taking part in this album but Damon Albarn rarely, if ever, disappoints.  Plastic Beach is more of what you’d expect from the world’s premier group of cartoon rockers with more than it’s fair share of hypnotic tracks and pseudo hip hop to keep your ears busy for weeks.  The sound quality is far superior on this album than any I can think of that came out this year.  Produced beautifully.  Plus, the band has created a brand new album to be given away for free on Christmas day that was created solely on the ipad.  Have a few drinks (or whatever libation you prefer) put on some headphones, and listen to this through… you’ll be blown away.

3.     Broken Bells- Broken Bells:  What do you get when you mix James Mercer of the Shins, and Danger Mouse?  Audio dopeness that’s what.  Danger mouse himself seems to put magic into basically anything he touches but when you add the brilliant song writer of the Shins into the mix you get an album that’s both dizzyingly beautiful and a pleasure to listen to.  On my favorite track, “October” James sings “I know what I know, wont fill a thimble, so let your mind go, straight down the runway”.  A perfect mix of strings, background vocals and spiraling guitar.  Simply a beautiful album.

2.     The National – High Violet:  My love of this Cincinnati to Brooklyn based band is quite legendary.  They’re not for everyone.  Lead singer Matt Berninger’s vocals are baritone so that throws a lot of folks off.  The real draw of the National for me is the pseudo alternate twin language the guitarists speak to each other.  In a DVD released to accompany their previous album Boxer (genius in it’s own right) the brothers worked out the opening to what would eventually be “Terrible Love” without speaking a word.  They simply played respective parts in a near unison until something sounded right and by a simple look in his brother’s direction, they had it figured out.  Literally every single song on High Violet evokes an emotion in me.  This is the true mark of a great album.  When you can remember a time in your life that each and every song relates to, the band has done their job.   Nothing is wasted, not a single song is a throw away, basically every other tracks has been my favorite song at one point or another.  Standouts include… basically the whole album, but if I had to pick one song to sell you on High Violet, it’d be England or Conversation 16.  Perfect background vocals, perfect timing, this is a simply perfect album… again.

1.  Arcade Fire- The Suburbs:   The band’s first effort Funeral didn’t do it for me and I’ll probably catch hell for that.  I understood the appeal, the songs of personal loss, the regality of it. But it didn’t speak to me like it did to everyone else. Neon Bible really struck a chord with me and had me hooked, this outing is no different.  Regine Chassagne and her husband Win Butler are the primary songwriters and do a solid job but Regine’s voice has always bothered the crap out of me on their first two albums with the exception of the cute little French number Black Wave on Neon Bible where I think she finally found her voice.  It’s a bit of a surprise that her track Sprawl II on this album is one of my favorite songs of the year.  But it didn’t stop there.  The album, although not technically a concept record, plays like one.  The Suburbs is an album that every single person can relate to.  These songs are about youth, peer pressure, relationships, and the fear of having to grow up.   On “We Used To Wait” Win sings “Now it seems strange, how we used to wait for letters to arrive.  But what’s stranger still, is how something so small can keep you alive.”  On “City With No Children” he describes his station in life as  “a garden left for ruin by a millionaire inside of a private prison” all with these ethereal background aah’s and oo’s… it’s amazing.  I’ll be listening to this for years to come and probably will never be tired of it.  Kinda like Interpol’s first two records… timeless.

HONERABLE MENTION:

~Mumford & Sons – Sigh No More:  Brilliant debut from this English 4 piece with a banjo player.  Terrific if not moody.

~Hot Panda- How Come I’m Dead:  Blitz of rock and punk mixed up with a bit of technopop… screaming vocals never sounded so sweet.

~Crocodiles – Sleep Forever:  Sounds old school, feels completely new.  Hard to pigeonhole but this album is great.

~Chief – Modern Rituals:  Love this band.  Dreamy guitar driven ballads, harmonies that will make you cry.  For a first effort, this is quite remarkable.

~MGMT – Congratulations:  These kids (20-something) are making rock that is WELL beyond their years.  Psychedelic rock that would make most genre pioneers crap in their pants as to how organic it sounds.

~Julian Casablancas – Phrazes for the Young:  “Out of the Blue” and “Left and Right in the Dark” make my head hurt they’re so good.

~Lightspeed Champion – Life is Sweet! Nice to Meet You:  Devonte Hynes folk driven pop melodies.  The only cat I know that can meld strings and a piano etude into a brilliant sophomore album.

This is What Poses as Friends These Days…

I intercepted a communiqué this morning from my friend Jordan to my friend Jeff, now residing on the east coast.  Needless to say, my network of so-called “friends” is clearly long overdue for a house cleaning… I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW MY LOVE OF MCDONALDS AND MY CROWN ARE MY BUSINESS, AND I WONT BE BULLIED BY THE FLYING DIAPER ANY LONGER!

Now if anyone is in need of a cat, I know one that’ll soon be in need of a home… good or bad.

King of Thursdays

Louis: A Silent FIlm

I am very proud to have been a part of the post team lucky enough to work on this and even more proud to get a credit in it.  When I started my current job, (5 years ago) it was the first week of dailies for this piece’s sister film, Bolden.  Louis is a silent film that will be playing alongside a live concert with Wynton Marsalis and Cecile Licad.  It was shot by Vilmos Zsigmond, Director of Photography behind Close Encounters and The Deer Hunter (who’s a pretty darn funny ol cat if I do say so myself).  Take a look at this trailer and then, if you are lucky enough to live in one of the six cities it’s playing, get yourself to this show when they start on August 25th.  I’ll let you know when Bolden is getting ready to come out… it’s gonna be a doozy too.

The concert is playing in Chicago, Detroit, Bethesda, NYC, and Philly.  Check it out.

via Louis: A Silent FIlm.

The Suburbs

“They heard me singing and they told me to stop.

Quit these pretentious things and just punch the clock.

These days my life, I feel it has no purpose.

But late at night those feeling swim to the surface.

Cause on the surface, the city lights shine.

They’re calling at me, come and find your kind.

Sometimes I wonder if the world’s so small,

That we can never get away from the Sprawl… living in a Sprawl, dumb shopping malls rise like mountains beyond mountains and there’s no end in sight… I need the darkness someone please cut the lights.  ”

STAY OUT OF MY HEAD ARCADE FIRE!!!